Le pub (properly la publicité – promotional leaflets and booklets) still lands in our mailbox with a reverberating thud every week. Amongst the numerous rentrée (back to school) special offers and the usual assortment of fold-outable pictures of meat was a gardening catalogue from Bakker. And in that is this!

guinea pig ornament

Who on earth came up with the bright idea of manufacturing resin guinea pigs to sit amongst your flowers or veggies? It’s hardly the sort of critter you tend to find in flower beds, at least not outside South America. Is it really worth plundering the earth’s resources to make these things? I suspect that the manufacturer was trying to make something else rather more useful and wholesome which went horribly wrong, but fortunately resembled a cochon d’Inde.

But should you be tempted, then now’s the time to tell you that I can do better than Bakker. I can provide you with a much more eco-friendly, real live guinea pig that will sit and pose in your garden too. Admittedly not for long as it will probably run and cower in the bushes most of the time, but occasionally you’ll get a glimpse. Until something eats it.

guinea pic like ornament

So send me a map of where you live and I’ll give it to one of our zillion (OK, twenty-odd, but it seems like a zillion) guinea pigs and send it on its way to your garden. Could take a while…